She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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