ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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