Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
