we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
