It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
