You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He kissed a someone with a penis
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
