They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
