So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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