Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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