Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
