I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
