I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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