Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Randomize
