i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
