Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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