i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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