just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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