then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
