White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
