I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This baby is an asshole
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
