just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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