I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
