Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
