I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
