I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
