Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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