they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
