He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
