Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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