I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
