This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
