Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
