Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
