Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize