I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
