No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
