i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
