Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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