I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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