We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
