the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
