you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
