I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
