my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm like, not good at living.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize