Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
