he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
