You're completely useless in the revolution.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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