I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I've blown a few things in my day
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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