how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
