I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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