I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
