Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I intend to get homeless drunk
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
