Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
a search helicopter?!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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