I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
