His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Can I color on your dick again?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
