so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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