im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
