i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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