My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
