i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
