I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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