Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
