Kareoke will never be a sober sport
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
