do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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