I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
please come you make the beer taste better
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
