i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
