The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
