Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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