The best revenge is premature balding
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Never underestimate the power of titties
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
