just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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