Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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