he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
They took my balls.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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