Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
