he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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