I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
