The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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