My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
