Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She bit a glass in half.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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